saideschain asked: I wish I could be as strong as you feel right now :/
it will be okay, i promise you. if there is anything i have ever learned it is that the bad times pass just like the good ones do. to think, what, 6 months ago, i was ready to end my life, because it had spiralled out of control and i felt like what i was feeling was never going to go away. but instead of ending it, i went over, and i cut the ties that were binding me to the person who had made me feel that way, and i started to re-build my life. it doesn’t happen overnight, no way. it’s taken a full year for me to feel like this again. and it’s not all perfect, i am still struggling with lots of insecurities, and addictions, and guilt. but i think the key to it is, sitting down and thinking about what you actually need, and do it for yourself, not anyone else. if you see no way out, if you are stuck in a rut, then sometimes realising that the hardest thing can be the right thing is the best thing you can do. you also have to evaluate your limits, though. I know that a year ago i could not have been on my own, i just couldn’t do it. So, i did the right thing for me, and i went and found somebody. and that somebody saved my life. but now i know, that if i am ever going to be able to be in a functional relationship again, instead of pulling them apart, i need to figure out who i am, by myself.
You will be fine. Talk to people when you need to talk to people. Curl up with some loud music and don’t talk to anybody when you need to do that. Make plans when you need to keep yourself busy, and make plans for time to yourself when you need to organise the things in your head. Write, no matter how good or bad you may think you are at writing, it’s the best thing for understanding how you are feeling and seeing it all poured out on a page makes a big difference from trying to understand it in your head. Remember that it doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen, if you make a concious effort to change the way you think about things, and don’t give up at the first, the second, the third or fourth or millionth hurdle. Because at the end of the day, yes, things will get better, but they will always get worse. You ask anybody, they will have their story to tell, but they are still in front of you, telling it. There will be times you hit your rock bottom. There will be times you feel like you can fly. That’s life. But no matter what happens, you get up, dust yourself off, and carry on.